Thanks to the death of my laptop and a last minute wedding invite, I’ve just spent $1000 I didn’t necessarily have to spare

But on the upside, within the week I’ll have a new computer and a purdy red dress:

It’s from Igigi. I was very nearly going to order a classic but cliched black lace over nude dress by Adrianna Papell via Nordstrom but my mom helped me realize it was mad boring so I went for a slightly more exciting choice. Hopefully I can figure out how to accessorize it on the cheap. 

I’m feeling really overwhelmed by pessimism and stress

I’ve just got this growing sense of fatalism that I’ll never find and fall in love with someone that’s a feminist and has sexy hands (my two ultimate requirements), and that instead I’m going to continue to be alone for the rest of my life. There’s all this weird pressure from my mom about being single, and I really need to establish and enforce better boundaries about that whole thing but I don’t even know how to begin. 

Plus my laptop’s video card just crapped out on me (I think I burned it out playing Downton Abbey on the big TV) and now all I have is my netbook and one of my eyelids had already developed this annoying twitch and using this tiny screen isn’t helping. And my gums hurt and so on and so on. I’m behind in applying to grad school. What else is new? I don’t have my shit together. 

I know, I know. Manifest positivity. Nobody likes a sad sack. 

Holy Mary, I need a decent Fat Acceptance 101 book to force on my mom, does anybody know one?

I’m presuming there’s something good available from someone like Leslie Kinzel, Marianne Kirby or Kate Harding? All of whom I find to be generally great if imperfect like us all. I’d prefer to support a WOC but honestly I just need whatever the best basic bible on FA is. I’m going to research after this but I’d really like any opinions. 

(TW fat hate & drahmz)

I had a fight with my best friend last night and I told my mom about it and she takes his side and is all “Well, you do sit around like a princess and you just eat and eat and you’re a disgusting fat pig and men will be disgusted by that and you’re lazy and disgusting” and all this shit. 

Ugh. She’s saying that I’m going to die alone and miserable just because I don’t wait on my (male) friend hand-and-food and because I’m not as fastidious about housekeeping as she wants me to be. And also that I’m a fat fucking pig, which is perfect shorthand since it implies both my being slovenly AND overweight, two failures for the price of one. Blech. Need to cut the cord on this codependency. 

Hopefully things are at least smoothed over with my BFF, I mean we always argue but last night for some reason I blurted out something meaner than I wanted and couldn’t back down in the heat of the moment. I’d already texted an apology this morning and then when I started up my computer I discovered that he’d reset my desktop background to a funny ‘shoop of Obama and Shelly O so I think that was a peace offering. 

I spent the day trying to create my first custom cross stitch sampler pattern

Shit’s hard as hell. My mom thinks that my design was too ambitious because the quote is so long, but I think I have finally got it figured out. If it comes out badly then I might just stick to pre-made patterns from now on, though. If I was skilled enough and had the software I would probably have an easier time doing it all digitally but since I’m old school I had to fart around with graph paper all afternoon. And that is not my idea of a time, really. 

And there are already so many awesome patterns in my Etsy favorites! (I’ve been down a little bit of a needle craft internet rabbit hole lately, as you might notice…I’ve found a ton of free vintage embroidery patterns but not so many for modern cross stitch).