I work in CS so I feel like it lets her disregard me in two different ways. Like, she don’t give a fuck about my sleep OR the fact that there’s a real person on the phone line that she’s screaming at and that person can only do so much to honor her ridiculous requests, and that person might as well be me because that’s how people treat you when you’re in customer service. I guess I need to stop taking it so personally. After all, I hate when she takes my leaving a bit of a mess around the house as a personal insult. Last week I left some dishes in the sink and she texted me the most vile and racist rant about how she’s not my slave. If we were just roommates I feel like she’d be much more respectful of my existence than she is of me currently as her daughter.
But on the upside, within the week I’ll have a new computer and a purdy red dress:
It’s from Igigi. I was very nearly going to order a classic but cliched black lace over nude dress by Adrianna Papell via Nordstrom but my mom helped me realize it was mad boring so I went for a slightly more exciting choice. Hopefully I can figure out how to accessorize it on the cheap.
I’ve just got this growing sense of fatalism that I’ll never find and fall in love with someone that’s a feminist and has sexy hands (my two ultimate requirements), and that instead I’m going to continue to be alone for the rest of my life. There’s all this weird pressure from my mom about being single, and I really need to establish and enforce better boundaries about that whole thing but I don’t even know how to begin.
Plus my laptop’s video card just crapped out on me (I think I burned it out playing Downton Abbey on the big TV) and now all I have is my netbook and one of my eyelids had already developed this annoying twitch and using this tiny screen isn’t helping. And my gums hurt and so on and so on. I’m behind in applying to grad school. What else is new? I don’t have my shit together.
I know, I know. Manifest positivity. Nobody likes a sad sack.